Sunday scribbles #34: An intermezzo on my brief modeling past - part two.

Last week I ended my Sunday scribbles saying the things I haven't done were more important than the things I have done. After signing with this agency in Antwerp, I got to meet some agencies abroad as well. Some New York agencies did a casting in Belgium, one of which who was very interested in me. They asked me if I could come to New York for a couple of weeks. Here comes one of the first big no's I gave in this industry. At home I had the kind of parents who said I could do anything I want, if, I put school first and kept good grades. Travelling to New York during school time, didn't fit in that plan. So I told them this wasn't possible, and being a harsh industry, they quickly let me out of their sight. Understandable, agencies want people who put the fashion industry first, like every other business industry. So Jonatan wasn't going to New York, cry cry. A couple of months later, one of the top agencies for men in Paris came to Antwerp as well. I met with them, after which they asked me to visit them in Paris. Okay, Paris isn't too far. By this time I started university so I had classes which weren't obligatory and my parents were trying to give me the freedom to plan my own life. There were only two periods with exams so they still had to wait if that freedom workout out. So, I went to Paris for a day. I can still remember the feeling I had, walking to the agency. It was a sunny day, and when crossing a bridge over the river the Seine in Paris, I stopped for a second, looking over the reflection of the sun on the water. The biggest sense of satisfaction suddenly overcame me. I was going to sign a top agency in Paris, this is fucking awesome, right?? I got to the agency, did some walks, got some tips 'n tricks, and signed the paper. I officially was an international model.. on paper.

On the way home, I already got a call from them, asking if I could come back a couple weeks later on a Wednesday. This was to meet Russell Marsh, a name I will never forget. Seeing as other sites can better share who he is, here's a snippet from Business of Fashion:

"With a career spanning over 20 years, Russell Marsh is widely recognised as one of the most influential casting directors in the industry, credited with having launched the careers of successful top models such as Daria Werbowy , Gemma Ward, Lara Stone and Sasha Pivovarova." So he was pretty top notch. I didn't know all of this. All I heard was 'casting director of Prada'. I took out my school calendar to check my availability. Ow no, I had a physics practice exam. So I got back to them, and told them I had to pass down on this one because I had this physics practice exam. "A practice exam? Not even a real exam?" Well... yes. As quick as it comes, as quick as it goes. I've never heard back of them. Guess turning down an appointment with such a fella isn't the best idea in this industry. After this I did some really small stuff now and then, but never something big. My agency in Antwerp also knew by now that investing time in me was wasted. I've had several big opportunities and I turned them all down. Okay, you never know how it will work out. I could've grabbed those opportunities with both hands, and still could've been rejected. But to wonder after not having tried is the worst thing there is. I have often shared this story during conversations, but even while writing this down, the feeling of mea culpa (my own fault) is very much alive. There noone to blame but me. I understand my parents. They grew up in a society where your degree in school is prioritized over anything, which does hold some truth to it. Upon graduating six years later I got in contact with some of the agencies that tried to sign me back then, with no luck. The moment had passed.

At the time I got scouted, things like Twilight and The Vampire Diaries were hot. Jean Paul Gaultier did a whole vampire themed show, which my girlfriend back then got to be part of. Vampires were the big theme, and I had a face which fit in that theme. I even took compliments in people who said I could've come straight from the morgue. It meant I did have a real shot if I just grabbed those opportunities. You can always get your degree. I'm not saying it's easy to get back to studying after you've had years in which you have done something totally different, but the most important thing is to use your momentum. Eminem said it in his track Lose yourself:

Look

If you had

One shot

Or one opportunity

To seize everything you ever wanted

In one moment

Would you capture it

Or just let it slip?

And I let it slip. Why? Because my parents wanted my to get my degree first? No, that would be too easy to say. It's important to come to terms with yourself, and accept reality. The truth is that I didn't want it enough. I am the only one accountable for these missed opportunities. Yes, my parents were tough when it comes to school and getting a degree, but I did have the power to rebel and pursue another career. Things turned out well, I got a degree with which I now have a job I love and gives me more freedom than I could have imagined. I'm happy and I am pursuing some other artistic goal right now. I got to meet a lot of new people back, and being a young guy it was pretty cool getting to hang out with beautiful girls. One of them actually resulted in a pretty long romantic relationship, and one became my best friend (with the occasional romantic try). In fact, the longest best friend relationship I've had so far, so it's fair to say that the social circle I got out of it, might even outweigh the possible career I could've gotten (seeing this last one has quite a big 'if'-factor to it).

So yeah, this was a summary of my modeling past. Working at the fashion show did bring up these memories which I do enjoy. Yes, I let it slip, but that's life. There's no point in still crying over it, so let's just enjoy the things that did happen instead of crying over what didn't happen. Besides the money we earn by working as a host at such events, there's another big advantage: seeing all the attendees. A big part of the people attending the show, and even the models or people working behind the scenes, like to express themselves through their clothes. It's always awesome seeing people wear something else than a classic suit for men, or an evening dress for women. Seeing them express themselves creatively this way, also adds fuel to my artistic self. And I also got to meet Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in real life! Many of you won't know her, but she played in Transformers: dark of the moon. So yeah, as soon as I saw her in that movie I fell in love. Too bad it's important to stay professional, so I don't have a picture of her and me. Would have been cool, especially since she smiled very kind upon entering and leaving the show.

I will now leave you be, and end these scribbles with a remnant of my modeling past where I got featured on models.com. Also something which is bigger than I knew, but what I talked down all the time. "Yeah, I will probably have been the only guy that day so it's no big deal." Don't ever repeat what I have done in the past. Grab your opportunities with both hands, and never talk yourself down.

Here you go: Jonatan | NEWfaces (models.com)